If you’re reading my blog right now, then you’re more than familiar with how difficult life is. Sometimes just going from getting up in the morning and opening your eyes to closing your eyes and laying your head down at night is very difficult. There are those days when nothing goes right at all. You feel all alone in the world, and everything goes down the toilet. In some cases, this can go on for a while. I was reminded today how hard life is and how difficult it is just to live. I commend all of you who are living right now, because it’s tough. Anyways, I write this to you with a humble heart, a wandering mind, and a depressed feeling. Sometimes, this feeling seems permanent, but we all must be brave. I must be brave. We must choose life, and we must live well.
One of the hardest things to do in this world is to find love and to hold onto it. The older you get, the harder this is to deal with. Men and women certainly think differently on the topic of love and it doesn’t help that they are both from two differently planets in Mars and Venus theoretically speaking. But, in all honesty, it is very hard to go through life without having someone to hold and to share it with. In addition, you know having a relationship that doesn’t give you what you need doesn’t help either. I have a friend who is going through a difficult relationship right now. She’s willing to put a lot into a relationship, but the guy she is dating isn’t. And I see the pain it causes her. Whereas, someone like myself desires to find the right woman but just can’t seem to find her. Is she out there? Will I ever find her? Why do I keep looking if it causes me pain? These are questions I wrack my head over. I honestly know why I keep looking, because my life doesn’t feel complete without her, but at the same time, I’ve tried to convince myself I don’t need to find her and I’m fine by myself. It never works. I long to have someone to hold at night, to talk to, to laugh with, to cry with, to talk about movies, to hold my hand, to hug, to smile. I mean you just can’t do this by yourself. And, most people judge me or judge others in general that they don’t take the time to see this sensitive side, so I go on my way lonely and it hurts. It bothers me when I hear things women say like chivalry is dead, or there are no decent guys, because the pattern I see goes something like this: Beautiful women date or fall for jerks, bad boys, or guys with money all who treat them badly. Nice, sensitive guys fall for them and they end up hurting. I’ll be the first to admit as a guy it’s very hard not to be shallow at times. On behalf of my sex, I apologize. Because, there have to be women out there that are tired of the games, tired of the drama, and who feel like I do. You’re not alone. But, sometimes it feels like we are. Like, someone people like us are in a box and just can’t ever get out.
Another problem I’ve run into recently is the problem of insecurity and self worth. How does one measure self worth and what they can offer the world? Is it through their job? Their hobbies? Their interests? Today’s society would tell us it is probably the amount of money you have in your bank account, the power you have in your job, and the woman who is on you arm. When you choose to show individualism and go against these common stereotyped things, then you feel like crap, because everything around you is different. Same thing with women and the models they see on television. When did stick figures become the it thing for body types? I don’t understand that, because men like women who eat - - women who can eat like us and who don’t complain about calories or fat. You know it’s so easy to look for self worth in other people. To find favor in their eyes and seek validation from them. The problem is the world is a cruel place. People can hurt you if you let them, and they often times will. But, the desire to be with others is what makes us human, so there lies the dilemma. Nobody wants to be a hermit. Nobody wants to deny the pleasure of friendship or companionship because they’ll get hurt. Human relationships are important to all of us whether we admit it. Lately, it seems like what’s the point. Eventually, we’re all let down. No matter how good of a friend, son, husband, wife, girlfriend, boyfriend, brother sister you are, you’ll be let down eventually. We shouldn’t stop trying to be good to one another, but remember, there are many of us out there who are hurting because of this.
Finally, the problem that seems to be bothering the most is the problem of being stuck in one place. Let me explain what I mean by this. Have you ever wondered why human beings are limited to the earth? Have you ever wondered why we can’t fly? Why we can’t teleport? Why we can’t hover through the clouds and appear in another place at our own will? This bothers me a lot. It’s happened to me recently. I just feel like there is so much in this world that I’d like to experience before I die, and it’s just not enough time, not enough resources, etc. I think that life would be so much easier if I were able to have this gift. Another thing too, it would help so much with finding the right girl. There are close to seven billion people in the world, and sometimes, I just feel like wouldn’t it be nice to meet them. I mean most of us are so preoccupied with a life in one area that we miss out on others and getting to know other people. I mean there are fifty something states in the U.S. and millions of people, but most of us don’t take the time to get to know the people in the next state let alone next door to us. For me, it goes beyond just saying well, I’m a fan of his or hers, or I’d like to meet him or her. I’m saying it’d just be nice to be able to get to know people easier all over the world. The internet helps, but there is only so much it can do. It’s mediated conversation at best. I really prefer face to face conversation. I’m 23 years old right now, and I’ve been having the hardest time trying to decide where to be, but I’ve finally decided on three areas, which has taken over 2 years to decide. L.A. will always be home to me, but recently, I’ve been thinking about living in Tennessee for a while. I think it’s absolutely beautiful, and it’s got a lot of musical history and some good people to meet who live there. I’m a song writer, so I’d be in good company. In any event, do you ever wonder what your life would be like if you went somewhere else? I do. Maybe, someone will invent some sort of teleporting device or something in the future who can solve this problem.
We all have problems. Some are easier to deal with than others. But, one thing is for sure. They aren’t easy, and if they were, they wouldn’t be called problems. Mine have been causing me stress and pain lately and have pushed me over the edge. I’ve had trouble finding meaning in them and finding meaning in myself. I’m sure as I write this, there are people dealing with much bigger problems, and my heart goes out to you. In no way do I want to get into who has a bigger problem match, but I just think that we all have things in our lives to deal with. We all hurt at one point or another like the R.E.M. song states. We must not succumb to the pain. We must be strong and fight through the pain. We must choose life. We must keep breathing. We must press on and fight the good fight of life. You and I must do this. For yourself and for those that you love you. For, if we don’t fight through the bad times, when are we ever going to get to the good times? I know they’re coming. Let’s take charge of our life and be brave. When they get here, just remember to make sure to cherish those good times. They are what get you through the bad times like right now.
No comments:
Post a Comment